A husband and a wife attending separate churches is a situation that
is more common than one might think. It's also common for the children
of such a couple to be divided between the two churches, thereby
creating a rift in the family that is never healthy. In order to
determine whether or not it is "wrong" for a husband and wife to
attend separate churches, we must first look at marriage as a
relationship instituted by God.
Genesis 2:24 tells us God created man and woman to become "one flesh"
when they marry, not two separate beings who go their own separate
ways. There is a unity in marriage which is unique and holy. Moreover,
marriage is the picture of Christ and His church (believers) as
described in Ephesians 5:31-32. The marriage covenant between a man
and a woman is symbolic of the covenant between Christ and those for
whom He died. His is an everlasting covenant and one that is holy and
sacred, just as marriage is to be holy, sacred and unbroken. This
unity of two people into one reaches its most sacred in the spiritual
realm, where the two are to be of one mind regarding the basic
doctrines of Christianity – God, Christ, sin, salvation, heaven/hell,
etc. This unity of understanding through the ministry of the Holy
Spirit unites a husband and wife in a bond unlike any other on earth.
While it's possible for a husband and wife to have differing tastes as
far as music, preaching or worship styles, children's programs, etc.,
none of these things are significant enough to break up the family
into two parts so they can attend different churches based on tastes.
It is clear that if both churches are Bible-based and Christ-honoring,
there is no reason why one spouse can't bend a little and put his/her
personal preferences aside. An even better alternative is for the
couple to join together to seek a church where the Word of God is
preached as the only guide for faith and practice, where the entire
family can learn the true gospel of Jesus Christ, and where the family
can fellowship with like-minded believers. In this, the husband, as
the spiritual head of the family, should take the lead and make the
final decision, lovingly taking his wife's input into consideration.
Sadly, the two-church family most often crops up in marriages where
one spouse was raised Roman Catholic and the other was raised in a
Protestant denomination. In situations such as these, it would have
been wise for the couple not to marry. Please read the following
article: Should Christians of different denominations date or marry?
If a marriage has already taken place, the couple should strive for
spiritual unity. Two people entrenched in their different doctrinal
positions often find it very difficult to compromise and reconcile,
but with God, all things are possible. A couple in such a situation
may be forced to attend different churches, especially if one or both
spouses consider the other spouse's beliefs to be unbiblical. In such
a situation, both spouses should commit to praying that truth be
revealed and spiritual unity be achieved.
These doctrinal conflicts must be resolved in a family before true
unity can be achieved. A couple attending different churches must be
willing to hold everything they are taught up to the light of
Scripture and be ready to discard anything that is contradicted by the
Bible. They must "test all things and hold fast to that which is true"
(1 Thessalonians 5:21).
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