each situation. Maturity levels and life experiences are varying
factors; some people are ready for marriage at 18, and some are never
prepared for it. As the divorce rate exceeds 50 percent, it is obvious
that much of our society does not view marriage as an everlasting
commitment. However, this is the world's view, which will usually
contradict God's (1 Corinthians 3:18).
A strong foundation is imperative for a successful marriage and should
be settled before one even begins to court a potential life mate. Our
Christian walk should include much more than just attending church on
Sundays and being involved in Bible study. We must have a personal
relationship with God that comes only through trusting in and obeying
Jesus Christ. We must educate ourselves about marriage, seeking God's
view on it, before diving in. A person must know what the Bible says
about love, commitment, sexual relations, the role of a husband and
wife, and His expectations of us before committing to marriage. Having
at least one Christian married couple as a role model is also
important. An older couple can answer questions about what goes into a
successful marriage, how to create intimacy (beyond the physical), how
faith is invaluable, etc.
A prospective married couple also needs to make sure that they know
each other well. They should know each other's views on marriage,
finances, in-laws, child-rearing, discipline, duties of a husband and
wife, whether only one of them or both will be working outside the
home, and the level of the other person's spiritual maturity. Many
people get married taking their partner's word for it that they are a
Christian, only to find out later that it was merely lip service.
Every couple considering marriage should go through counseling with a
Christian marriage counselor or pastor. In fact, many pastors will not
perform weddings unless they have met several times with the couple in
a counseling setting.
Marriage is not only a commitment, but a covenant with God. It is the
promise to remain with that other person for the remainder of your
life, no matter whether your spouse is rich, poor, healthy, sick,
overweight, underweight, or boring. A Christian marriage should endure
through every circumstance, including fighting, anger, devastation,
disaster, depression, bitterness, addiction, and loneliness. Marriage
should never be entered into with the idea that divorce is an
option—not even as the last straw. The Bible tells us that through God
all things are possible (Luke 18:27), and this certainly includes
marriage. If a couple makes the decision at the beginning to stay
committed and to put God first, divorce will not be the inevitable
solution to a miserable situation.
It is important to remember that God wants to give us the desires of
our heart, but that is only possible if our desires match His. People
often get married because it just "feels right." In the early stages
of dating, and even of marriage, you see the other person coming, and
you get butterflies in your stomach. Romance is at its peak, and you
know the feeling of being "in love." Many expect that this feeling
will remain forever. The reality is that it does not. The result can
be disappointment and even divorce as those feelings fade, but those
in successful marriages know that the excitement of being with the
other person does not have to end. Instead, the butterflies give way
to a deeper love, a stronger commitment, a more solid foundation, and
an unbreakable security.
The Bible is clear that love does not rely on feelings. This is
evident when we are told to love our enemies (Luke 6:35). True love is
possible only when we allow the Holy Spirit to work through us,
cultivating the fruit of our salvation (Galatians 5:22-23). It is a
decision we make on a daily basis to die to ourselves and our
selfishness, and to let God shine through us. Paul tells us how to
love others in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: "Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record
of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
When we are ready to love another person as 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
describes, that is the right time for marriage.
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