perfect husband. To be a good wife, you have to be able to
communicate effectively, to keep your romance alive, and to
be your husband's best friend while maintaining your own
identity. If you want to know how to do it, just follow these
1. Express your feelings and needs effectively. Your
husband doesn't have clairvoyant powers. If you want
something, ask. If something is wrong, say so. Don't drop
hints or figure he'll "come around" or you'll never get
anything done. If you want to be able to express how you
feel, you should be able to speak with a positive tone and
to listen to what your husband says instead of being
accusatory. Here are some ways to do it:
•Send "I messages." Instead of accusing him of not
meeting your needs, focus the conversation on
yourself. For instance, tell him, "I feel ignored when I
don't see you until 6:30 every night."
•Listen to what he says. When he tells you something,
repeat what he said back to him so that he knows you
understand. For example, "I hear you saying that you're
worried about finances, and that's why you've been
working late."
•Avoid passing judgment. Let him finish what he's saying
before you respond. After he's done talking, offer a
solution. For instance, say, "I'm willing to live on a
tighter budget if that means that I get to see you more often
2. Pick your battles. Some issues are worth fighting
about, and some aren't. If you spend all of your time
nitpicking your husband about minor problems that don't
really matter, then he's not going to listen to you when
major issues come up.
•Criticism can destroy a relationship. As long as the
dishes are clean and unbroken, for instance, don't nag
your husband about how to load the dishwasher "the
right way." Let him do things his own way. Don't sweat
the small stuff.
•Avoid criticizing your husband without doing it
constructively. Remember to try to be calm and
rational, as strong emotions can easily turn a
discussion into an argument. If you criticize every little
thing he does, then he will quickly tune you out.
•You should praise your husband for the things he does
right much more than you argue with him about things
that he does wrong. This will make him much more
likely to listen to you, and much happier to be around
3. Be understanding when you discuss an issue with
your husband. Fight right. Don't let anger take over
because it may cause you to say things that you will regret
later. Even when you don't agree with your husband, you
need to respect his opinion and his viewpoint. To be a
good wife, you need to understand that you may never
agree on certain issues. No couple has an identical set of
morals and beliefs, which means that both of you will
need to learn to cope with occasions where you just can't
resolve your opinions.
•Talk to him at the right time. Don't just spring your
problems on him whenever. Avoid bringing up
problems before dinner, while he's paying bills or when
he's immersed in a stressful situation, like fixing a
problem with your car. And never, ever start an
argument in front of your children.
•When you're wrong, admit it. You need to learn to
respond to arguments and remain rational so you can
recognize and apologize when you've made a misstep.
4. Talk to your husband, not about him. Never talk to
your friends or your family and say negative things
about your husband if you're not communicating with him
first. Talking about your husband behind his back is
disloyal. When you get married, your first loyalty is to your
partner, not to your birth family or your social group.
•Complaining about your husband to your friends and
family will not only not solve any of your problems, but
it will also make them view your relationship in a more
negative light.
•Your friends and family may think they know what's
best for you, but they don't know your relationship as
well as you do and may unintentionally give you bad advice
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