experience, second only to a relationship with God. Marriage brings
out the best and the worst in most people, as two separate individuals
struggle to live as "one flesh" (Matthew 19:6; Mark 10:8). At the root
of most marriage problems is selfishness. When one or both partners
choose to live as though his or her needs deserve top consideration,
conflict results.
There are specific verses that address behavior of both husbands and
wives. Some of those are 1 Peter 3:1-8, Colossians 3:18-19, and Titus
2:3-5. Although not addressing marriage directly, Philippians 2:3-13
is an excellent recipe for resolving marriage problems. This passage
tells us to adopt the attitude Christ demonstrated when He set aside
His rights and privileges as the Son of God and came to earth as a
humble servant. Verses 3 and 4 say, "Do nothing out of selfish
ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than
yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests,
but also to the interests of others." When that exhortation is applied
to marriage, almost any obstacle can be overcome.
Certainly, seeking counsel from a pastor or Christian marriage
counselor is a biblical thing to do (Proverbs 19:20). Getting
counseling is an excellent way to clear misconceptions about marriage
roles, to see a situation from another viewpoint, and to distinguish
between God's standards and those of the world.
Ephesians 5:21-33 gives specific instructions for both husbands and
wives. A husband is to love his wife "as Christ loves the church and
gave Himself for her" (verse 25). Such self-sacrificing love creates
an atmosphere in which a wife can more easily submit to her husband's
leadership. When a husband is committed to demonstrating love for his
wife, and a wife is committed to graciously allowing her husband to
lead, the marriage will work.
It is also wise to pay close attention to the verses just before the
specific marriage instructions. Verses 18-21 say, "Do not get drunk
with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit,
speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving
thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God,
even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ."
Notice all the commands that precede the marriage instruction. All
Christians are to
• refuse to get drunk
• be filled with the Spirit
• encourage each other
• sing hymns and songs of praise
• have an attitude of continual worship
• live in a spirit of gratitude
• submit graciously to each other
We miss vital truth when we skip straight to the marriage instruction
without applying the practical guidelines in the preceding verses.
When each spouse applies those truths to his or her personal life and
strives to make his or her relationship with the Lord the primary
focus, marriage problems take a back seat. When two committed
Christians purpose to seek God's heart and follow His will no matter
what, there is no problem that they cannot work through.
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