10 Women Christian Men Should Never Marry

Often in the quest towards marriage and finding "the one," something
happens. It's easy to overlook things that may not seem that big of a
deal while dating, but these things could be destructive patterns once
married. But love doesn't have to be blind. There's no reason to
settle for unhealthy or harmful relationships, simply to pursue being
married.

We all have sin issues that we deal with on a daily basis. We've all
made mistakes that we often wish we could do-over. We all need the
grace and freedom that only Christ Himself can offer. But our
marriages are healthier when we recognize red flags in our dating
relationships, instead of choosing not to see problems at all.

God cares about the decisions we make. He cares about who we marry.
And we can trust He will give guidance, and help us see some red flags
to be aware of along the way.


1. The Unbeliever – Be careful not to settle for less than what God
would want for the spiritual health and care of your marriage.
Marriage can be tough enough at times, add to that the pressure of
opposing spiritual views, and you may be in big trouble when the
normal stressors of life occur. If you hold vastly different beliefs
now, don't falsely assume you'll get her to "turn around," or change
her ways later. It may happen, but it may not.

"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has
righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with
darkness?" 2 Cor. 6:14

2. The Abuser – Many times "abusers" are assumed to be men, but women
struggle with this same trap too, and the man in her life may feel
like it's difficult to talk about the problem or find help. Men can
often become the invisible victims of relationship abuse and find
themselves dealing with deep levels of shame, guilt, and inadequacy.

Ps. 11:5 says, "The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked and
those who love violence, he hates." This verse reminds us of how God
feels about the heart which instigates violence. No one deserves to be
abused. Ever. Move quickly away from the one who brings you physical,
verbal, or deep emotional harm. You are not their saving grace. That
is God's work. Marriage must be built on deep love and respect, and
abuse of any type has no place there.

3. The Controller, Manipulator – This person's subtle, dangerous
behavior can indicate big trouble ahead. What might be disguised as "I
just care about you," can really be a need for constant control or a
heart of jealousy. She may dominate and strive to make decisions for
you, especially in regards to whom you spend your time with. She might
check up on you frequently, keep close tabs, or falsely accuse you of
cheating on her. The one driven by control needs will have continual
issues with whether she can "trust you." Often, under her grasp, you
may start to feel like you can hardly breathe. It's suffocating. It's
supposed to be, that's how you're held tightly.

James 3:16 says, "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there
will be disorder and every vile practice." And that is no place to
start a marriage.

4. The Angry, Contentious Woman – If your partner can't control her
temper before you're married, she most certainly won't after you're
married. In most cases, her behavior will worsen. No matter what our
personality type, it still doesn't give us room to plow over anyone in
our pathway with cruel words and rants. Take time to see how she
responds in different scenarios, especially when under pressure.

Proverbs 25:24, "It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in
a house shared with a contentious woman." This is more than, "I'm just
having a bad day." An angry, quarrelsome disposition has a pattern of
negativity, harsh words, and flaring tempers. The key is – does she
realize it's an area of weakness that she desires for God to change?
If the answer is "no," steer clear.

5. The Seducer – Behaviors established before marriage are not going
to magically go away once you say, "I do." Sexual sin can be a deep
trap of the enemy and once ensnared in these destructive patterns,
they are difficult to break. Yet the pain or mistakes of the past
should hold no control over our present and future. God redeems, sets
free, and desires to make us new.

Make the choice together to live by His standards in your
relationship. The lies of the world say that sex before marriage is
normal, no big deal. Yet it's a huge deal. Don't fall for the enemy's
lie. The heart of Christ seeks the best for the one they love,
desiring to build up, protect, and encourage healthy, safe patterns.

In the story of Joseph in Genesis 39, we see Potiphar's wife pursuing
him with sexual advances day after day. It was relentless. But he did
not fall. The Bible says, "he fled." Wise man.

6. The Deceiver, Liar - Every marriage must be built on trust. Without
this as a firm foundation, you're in for trouble from the beginning.
So what about those "little white lies" you started noticing along the
way? In reality, there's no such thing as little white lies. Any lie
is meant to hide, deceive, or manipulate truth. There is no room for
dishonesty in a healthy, loving relationship. It's a dangerous trap
and you will always be left wondering what she's hiding.

In Judges 16, we read the story of Delilah, who plotted and tricked
the strong man Samson, ultimately deceiving him. He was foolishly
lured by her entices and fell into deep destruction because of it.
Left to our own thoughts, we, like Samson, may miss the signal that
there's trouble ahead.

7. The Addict – This person needs freedom that can only come by
admitting there's a problem, seeking professional help and leaning on
the strength that God can bring. Addiction to alcohol, drugs,
pornography, or destructive habits will lead to deep troubles ahead.
And though your relationship may seem to challenge her in the right
direction, don't be fooled that she'll so quickly "give it all up for
you," without the aid and accountability of professional help.

You are not the one to set her free and your role is not to try to
change their heart. Only God can do that. 1 Cor. 6:12 says, "All
things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All
things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything."

8. The Narcissist, Diva - No matter how beautiful, talented, and
charming she may seem, marriage is built on the word "together." If
the relationship before marriage seems to constantly be all about her,
you may be in for some struggle ahead. The "Diva" generally refers to
one who demands the center of attention and focus at the expense of
others' feelings. Humility, compassion, love, and respect are much
more admirable characteristics than simply the externals. "Charm is
deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be
praised" Prov. 31:30.

9. The Gold Digger/Big Spender - Secretive spending habits? More
interested in your bank account or what you can buy her, than in you?
Once married, these patterns can worsen when the stressors of family
life and responsibilities mount high. Money problems and financial
struggles are one of the main causes of divorce. Look for the red
flags and decide up front if the two of you can agree on the big
issues. "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some
people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced
themselves with many griefs" 1 Tim. 6:10.

10. The One Who Won't Leave the Nest – It's difficult to live a future
of becoming one flesh when either partner is still joined too tightly
to their parents. Nothing wrong with having close, healthy
relationships with our parents throughout life, until you allow it to
consume your decision making or control your marriage. Parents are
meant to offer protection to children, even adult children. But upon
marriage, the spouse should be given that primary place of leadership
and care, under God's authority. Talk about healthy boundaries before
you marry, don't dismiss it as "no big deal." You may find out later
how big a deal it was. "For this reason a man shall leave his father
and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one
flesh." Gen. 2:24

The healthiest marriages are not made up of two seemingly "perfect"
people, but two forgiven people who have the capacity, by the grace of
God, to keep offering forgiveness to one another.

God's Word gives guidance for marriage and offers plenty of examples
for wise living. It really comes down to a choice. What do we believe
about what He says, and will we look to Him for wisdom in
relationships and in how we live our lives?

There's a battle over marriages today, and the enemy would love
nothing more than to destroy yours before it's hardly even begun, or
to entice you into a harmful one. Don't let Him win. Search God's Word
for what He has to say. His are the words that matter most.

10 MEN CHRISTIAN WOMEN SHOULD NOT MARRY

Divorce for Christians (except for 1 reason) is never permitted by
God. Hence, you must choose well. Outside of your decision to follow
Jesus, marriage will be your 2nd greatest decision in life. So, here's
my take on a paramount issue.

10 Men Christian Women Should Not Marry:

1. The Unbeliever. Seems quite simple, but I've met too many who've
married unbelievers thinking that they'll change them. Rarely happens.
"Missionary Dating" is unbiblical and will only rob you of true
marital bliss. Remember that God forbids it: "Do not be yoked together
with unbelievers." (2 Cor 6:14)

What then, is a believer?  A Christian essentially is someone who
believes in the gospel of Jesus Christ.  What then, is the gospel?
The gospel is: 1. God is holy, loving, and just.  He therefore, must
condemn all sinners to punishment in the flames of eternal hell;  2.
You and I are all sinners who deserve nothing but God's wrath in hell
after our deaths; 3. God loved humanity so much that He sent His only
Son, Jesus (who was fully God and fully man), to die on the cross for
your sins.  Jesus paid the debt for your sins and absorbed God's wrath
on your behalf.  3 days later, Jesus resurrected from the dead; 4. If
you repent (turn from) all your sins and personally put your faith in
Jesus Christ as your Lord, God and Savior, then you will have eternal
life.

2. The Younger Man. Now, I wouldn't necessarily call this one a sin,
but I would certainly say that it is not God's ideal. (And why would
you want anything less than God's ideal for marriage?)  We all know
that wives are called to submit to their husbands, as to the Lord (Eph
5:22). God explicitly calls men to be the spiritual leaders of their
families. En route to making the first marriage, God created Adam
first, and then Eve. Did God have a wise reason for creating Adam
first or was the first marriage randomly constructed by God?
According to the apostle Paul, it was not done arbitrarily. Instead,
this was done for the sake of authority. As Paul informs us, authority
flows from chronology: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to
exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For
Adam was formed first, then Eve" (1 Timothy 2:13-14). In other words,
age matters–generally within society but especially within marriage
(hence, Paul's use of "Adam and Eve").  Evidently, within the First
Marriage, God intended chronology (age) to be a reason for authority.

I would definitely call for wives who are already married in this
situation to still submit to their younger husbands as the Bible
commands (divorce is not an option), but they'll need an extra measure
of God's grace as the natural fallen tendency of all daughters of Eve
is to usurp their husbands' authority (Gen 3:16). To those who are not
yet wed, I would plead with you to marry an older Christian man. It is
God's ideal and your marriage will be happier for it.

Don't want to believe that God knew what He was doing when He
intentionally made the male older in the First Marriage?  Okay then,
here's some statistics from secular research that backs up God's
wisdom:

"If you're a woman two or more years older than your husband, your
marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was
one year younger to three years older."

Marrying an older man shortens a woman's lifespan, but having a
younger husband reduces it even more, the study found.

A new study shows that women who marry men seven to nine years younger
than they are increase their mortality risk by 20 percent.

3. The Spiritually Younger Man. Though age is important, a man's
spiritual maturity is also important (and by the way, please don't
bamboozle yourself by saying, "Well, as long as he's SPIRITUALLY older
than me, his age doesn't matter–as I've laid out in point two, it does
matter!). Look for a man who will love you as Christ loved the Church
(Eph 5:25), and if he doesn't even know "how" Christ loved the Church,
then it's time for you to find another man. He must lead you as Christ
led His Church. Too many women date spiritually immature men who only
lead them to the murky waters of marital spiritual loneliness. Make
sure he's grounded in a local church. Speak to his pastor and his
elders. Have devotionals together. Marriage is a serious decision.
Take serious steps.

4. The Divorced Man. This one's fairly straight-forward in Scripture:
"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery,
and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery"
(Luke 16:18;

Bottom line: Any 2nd marriage is adultery in the eyes of God, unless
the 1st marriage terminated due to adultery.

What to do if you're in a 2nd marriage that's really viewed as
adultery in the eyes of God?  Same thing I would advise a "married"
gay couple if they came to faith in Christ–immediately break it up!
Of course, it won't be emotionally easy, but the eternal destiny of
your soul depends upon a correct response on this issue (1 Cor 6:9).


5. The Angry Man. Men who cannot control their emotions prior to
marriage will, in all likelihood, be angry men after marriage. Try not
to rationalize this one by saying, "Well, I deserved that…I made him
angry." Outbursts of anger are bouts of sin and there's no excuse.
Furthermore, those things usually turn into domestic abuse later on.
Remember, marriage is about love. I know, it sounds easy to remember,
but you'd be surprised.
"Fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness,
orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before,
that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
(Galatians 5:20-21 ESV)

6. The Self-Admirer. I know, I know, you want a good looking spouse.
That desire is not a bad thing. But if a man is spending more time at
the gym and in front of the mirror than at church and in God's Word,
then that man won't love you as Christ loved the Church. In fact, he
won't love you–period. He loves himself and he probably just wants you
for physical pleasure. If he's changing profile pictures often,
obsessing over his looks and photo angles, then be wary. "For
everything in the world–the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes,
and the pride of life–comes not from the Father but from the world."
(1 John 2:16)

7. The Dishonest. Marriage is built on trust. Without it, the entire
enterprise quickly unravels. Women, if he's lied to you before
marriage, he'll keep it up after. If he's having sex before marriage,
he'll likely cheat on you after marriage. Look for a honest guy. Pray
for one. Remember that the devil is the father of lies (John 8:44).

8. The Addict. Whether it's porn or drugs, if you've discovered that
your boyfriend is an addict, stop dating him and talk to his church
leaders about it. At the moment, the man needs help–not a wife. Men
who've covered up their sins while continuing to go to church are some
of the worst deceivers. They're also usually self-deluded. And no
matter how much he pleads with you, let it go. The man needs Jesus–not
a woman. Until the bondage is broken, release him to Christ (Exodus
20:3).

9. The Idle. If his idea of an ideal marriage is letting you work
while he stays home sleeping and relaxing, then you should find
another man. There is a deep theology to work and in fact, if the man
is not providing for his family, the Bible calls him worse than an
unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8).

10. The Un-Evangelist. Okay, maybe I made up the term, but the point
is clear (Mark 16:15). If the man says that he believes in the gospel
of Jesus Christ–meaning that there is 1. a literal hell awaiting
unbelievers, 2. grace and pardon available to all who put their faith
in Jesus–but he simultaneously does NOT evangelize…does he really
believe? Does he really love God? Does he really love people? Will he
ever love you the way Christ loved and died for His Church (when
evidently, he's too ashamed to even proclaim the death of Christ)?

Self-proclaimed atheist Penn Jillette once put it well:
"I've always said that I don't respect people who don't proselytize. I
don't respect that at all. If you believe that there's a heaven and a
hell, and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life,
and you think that it's not really worth telling them this because it
would make it socially awkward—and atheists who think people shouldn't
proselytize and who say just leave me alone and keep your religion to
yourself—how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How
much do you have to hate somebody to believe everlasting life is
possible and not tell them that? I mean, if I believed, beyond the
shadow of a doubt, that a truck was coming at you, and you didn't
believe that truck was bearing down on you, there is a certain point
where I tackle you. And this is more important than that."

All that's very true. How much do you have to hate somebody to not
evangelize? "How much do you have to hate somebody to believe
everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?" Unless, of
course, he really doesn't believe…but then, we would discover
ourselves back at warning point number 1 of this post.

Choose well, ladies. The church loves you and prays for you to have
delightful, God-honoring marriages. May God bless and guide your way.

Who are the poor in spirit?

QUESTION: Jesus taught about the "poor in spirit" in one of his
messages found in the book of Matthew. Who are these people? Do they
still exist today?

ANSWER: Jesus began to teach about those whose spirit was poor, near
the beginning of his public ministry. He used this topic as the
foundational teaching on which he would not only explain and reveal
the full intent of the Old Testament's laws but also as the starting
point on how true Christians should think and act in their everyday
lives. His discussion on the subject starts what is commonly called
the Sermon on the Mount, which is arguably his most famous message.

1. But seeing the multitudes, He went up into the mountain; and when
He sat down, His disciples came to Him. 2. And He opened His mouth and
taught them, saying, 3. "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is
the kingdom of heaven . . ." (Matthew 5:1 - 3, HBFV Bible throughout)

Surprisingly, only the book of Matthew (chapters 5 to 7) writes about
the details of his message with the book of Luke (chapter 6) recording
only select pieces. The opening sentences of this "sermon" are often
called the Beatitudes or "beautiful attitudes" because they talk about
the attitudes God highly prizes.

So, what exactly was the Lord discussing? One hint in understanding
what Christ was referring to can be found by noticing the word
"spirit" in verse 3 above. In the Holy Bible Faithful Version, and
most other translations such as the KJV, NKJV, NIV and others, the
word does not start with a capital letter. This signifies that the
word is understood to not refer to the Holy Spirit, which is what
makes someone a Christian (Romans 8:9), but to something else.

"Spirit" in this verse is referring to a person's frame of mind or
their attitude. It is how a person thinks about the world around them
and their own personal relationship with the Eternal.  Regarding the
meaning of the whole phrase in question, some commentaries state the
following in their notes on Matthew 5:3.

"To be poor in spirit is to have a humble opinion of ourselves; to be
sensible that we are sinners, and have no righteousness of our own . .
." (Barnes' Notes on the New Testament)

"Poorness of spirit involves (1) Humility, (2) Contentment, (3)
Submission, (4) Gratitude" (The Biblical Illustrator)

"Poverty of spirit is the opposite of pride, self-righteousness, and
self-conceit; the spirit of the publican rather than of the Pharisee .
. ." (A Commentary on the Holy Bible by J.R. Dummelow)

As was mentioned in the last comment above, an excellent contrast
between the self-exalting arrogance God dislikes (especially among
religious people) versus the humble and contrite heart he is looking
for is found in the parable of the Pharisee and the publican.

9. And to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and
despised others, He also spoke this parable: 10. "Two men went up into
the temple to pray; the one was a Pharisee and the other a tax
collector. 11. The Pharisee stood and prayed with himself in this
manner: 'God, I thank You that I am not like other men - extortioners,
unrighteous, adulterers - or even as this tax collector . . .'

13. "And the tax collector, standing afar off, would not even lift up
his eyes to heaven, but beat himself on the chest, saying, 'God, be
merciful to me, a sinner.' 14. I tell you, this man went down to his
house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts
himself shall be humbled; and the one who humbles himself shall be
exalted" (Luke 18:10 - 11, 13 - 14)

Those who have this "poor" attitude realize, in the core of their
being, their utter need for God and their inability to save
themselves. They are keenly aware that they humbly need his help and
mercy every moment of every day. One popular worship song that conveys
this understanding, found in many church hymnals, is called "I Need
Thee Every Hour." It is a beautiful hymn sung with meaning for those
who have become aware of their utter dependency on the Eternal to help
them make it though life. Those who have this attitude are indeed
blessed. Jesus stated they should rejoice and be filled with joy for
great is their reward in heaven (Matthew 5:12)! It is a state of mind
that all Christians should strive to attain.

The man who is poor in spirit is the man
who has realized that things mean nothing,
and that God means everything.
William Barclay (1907 - 1978)

The END of the WORLD

Humans seem to have a fascination about the end of the world. Many
people, like the first century disciples, want to know what will be
the signs that will signal Christ's return (Matthew 24:3). Knowing
this interest with the prophetic "last days," countless ministries,
would-be prophets and even Hollywood have supplied an continuous
stream of material promoting their speculations regarding the events
to take place during the End Time. Many even attempt to predict the
year, or even the month, Jesus will come back to earth.
This fascination with the 'end of the world as we know it' may be due,
in part, to the fact that the events leading up to and including the
Second Coming of Christ are mentioned at least 318 times in the New
Testament. According to the Encyclopedia of Bible Facts, information
related to his return is mentioned more than any other doctrine.

Jesus told his disciples, clearly and directly, that no one will be
able to figure out the exact time when the end of the world will occur
and man's sad dominion on the earth will cease. Yet many 'false
prophets' seem determined to prove our Savior wrong!

36. But concerning that day, and the hour (of when the end will come),
NO ONE KNOWS, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only . . .
42. Watch, therefore, because YOU DO NOT KNOW in what hour your Lord
is coming . . . 44. Therefore, you also be ready. For the Son of man
is coming at a time that YOU DO NOT THINK. (Matthew 24:36, 42, 44,
HBFV throughout unless stated)

We have a three-fold admonition from Jesus, who was and is God, that
not even called and converted Christians will be able to figure out
when the end of man's civilization and the beginning of Jesus' reign
on earth will happen!

Events before Christ's return
Although the Bible does not give us the exact time of Christ's Second
Coming, it does give a broad outline of what events MUST occur before
the completion of the age. Some of these events will no doubt occur
within a relatively short span of time while others will take YEARS,
perhaps decades, to reach their fullness.

Before everything is completely destroyed, MANY end time false
prophets and false Messiahs will come to deceive the masses and offer
false hopes (Matthew 24:4 - 5, 26 - 27).

A global time of trials and troubles will occur (Great Tribulation)
the likes of which has never been seen. There will be wars, rumors of
wars, earthquakes, famines and more, yet some people and nations will
still prosper (see Revelation 18:9 - 19).

The whole world will be deceived, through false signs and wonders, to
worship a false Messiah. A mark or sign will designate who willingly
worships and obeys the false system. The Beast and False Prophet will
deceive and rule humanity for 3 1/2 years (Revelation 13 - 14).

God's Two Witnesses will be given unprecedented power for 3 1/2 years
to call upon all humans to repent and prepare themselves for the
imminent return of Christ (Revelation 11:3 - 7).

Almost all true Christians, who are those who obey God and keep his
commandments (Matthew 24:9, Revelation 12:17, 14:12, 22:14), will be
afflicted, persecuted and hunted down. They will be slaughtered in
great numbers (Matthew 24:9, Revelation 6:10 - 11, 12:11, 17, 13:7).

Four demonic spirits will be released from the Euphrates River to
wreak havoc on the earth (Revelation 9:13 - 15). Shortly thereafter
the river will be DRIED UP to allow the entire world, near the very
end, to gather themselves together in a place called the valley of
Megiddo (from where we get the term Armageddon) to make war against
Jesus as he returns to earth (Revelation 16:12, 14, 17:12 - 14).

The ultimate outcome of all these events would be the annihilation of
ALL human life if God did not intervene (Matthew 24:21 - 22).

In conclusion
Some people seem willing to believe almost anything that seems
credible to them - anything, that is, except the Bible. Although the
exact time of the end of the world is not delineated in Scripture, we
are told that certain major events WILL and MUST occur before the Lord
arrives to save mankind from himself. Those who offer fanciful
speculations or try to convince people they know the exact moment of
our Savior's return should not be taken seriously.

What is repentance?

What does the Bible say about repentance? Can a person save themselves
if they obey God? Are we required to DO anything BEFORE we can receive
the gift of the Holy Spirit? What is the role of obedience and good
works in the life of a Christian?
First, let us begin with a Biblical definition of what this article
discusses. Repentance is remorse and sorrow for the sins we have
committed. Sin is the transgression of God's holy and perfect laws,
whether in the letter or in the spirit (intent of). The apostle Paul
states in the book of Ephesians the following.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this especially
is not of your own selves; it is the gift of God, Not of works, so
that no one may boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9, HBFV)
No work or effort on the part of any person will ever 'earn' them
salvation. Eternal life is a gift. However, the Bible teaches not only
repentance but that believers must obey God. How can this be?

The law of God is a critical Biblical subject both in the Old and in
the New Testaments. We do not have to go very far into the gospels
before we run into statements about God's laws. In fact, near the very
beginning of Jesus' well-known Sermon on the Mount he states about
obeying God.

17 'Do not think that I have come to do away with the Law of Moses and
the teachings of the prophets. I have not come to do away with them .
. .18 Remember that as long as heaven and earth last, not the least
point nor the smallest detail of the Law will be done away with'
(Matthew 5:17-18)

From Jesus' statement we can only conclude that since heaven and earth
are still here, God's law have not been "done away with" but are still
in effect! In the book of Revelation the apostle John writes that
commandment keeping will still exist in the end time before Jesus'
return (Revelation 14:12).
Obedience to God is repeated many times in God's word, especially
those of the apostle John. Notice how direct and blunt he is about
sin, repentance and obeying God's law.

"The one who says, 'I know Him,' and does not keep His commandments,
is a liar, and the truth is not in him." (1John 2:4, see also 3:4,
3:22, 5:3 and 2John 5-6)

What did Paul think about God's law?
"Therefore, the law is indeed holy . . . " (Romans 7:12)

Good works, meaning doing what is right in God's sight, are an
integral part of the life of a Christian (Ephesians 2:10). Paul lets
us know that those who do not obey will not be in his kingdom
(1Corinthians 6:9-10).

Each of the Ten Commandments, given to Moses on Mount Sinai, are
repeated either exactly or with words conveying the same thing in the
New Testament. These reiterated commandments from the Eternal show the
standard against which repentance is needed.

Repentance then conversion
On Pentecost, just days after Jesus ascended to heaven, God empowered
the disciples by giving them His Holy Spirit and the miraculous
ability to extol and praise him in other languages. As people in
Jerusalem start to gather around the disciples to see what is
happening Peter gives a powerful message explaining the miracles that
were occurring and that Jesus was the true Savior of man. The crowd
who hear Peter have their consciences pricked. Peter then tells the
crowd the following.

"Then Peter said to them, 'Repent and be baptized each one of you in
the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and you yourselves
shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.'" (Acts 2:38)

In the Bible, the word REPENT comes from the Greek word metanoeo
(Strong's Concordance #G3340) which means to think differently or
reconsider and to begin to feel regret. Repentance begins to occur
when we fell sorry, remorsefully, etc. about the sins we have
committed --- our disobedience to God through the breaking of His
commandments. A person not only feels sorry for their sins but also
desires and begins to obey God, which Peter again states must occur
before he will give them the gift of his Spirit (Acts 5:32).

Loving
What God ultimately requires of us is summed up by Jesus.

And Jesus said to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your
heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' (Matthew
22:37)

Does loving your neighbor mean simply thinking nice things about them?
No. It is the day to day application of the spirit and intent of God's
Laws. This includes helping our neighbor when they are in trouble,
safeguarding our property so that the neighbor does not hurt
themselves by falling into a hole, giving them money when they are in
need, etc. It means sharing our food with them if they are hungry or
getting them clothes they cannot afford. Now, how does someone love
God?

To love our Father in heaven is far more than attending church
services. To truly love God means to do what he says -- to obey his
commands, etc. It is obedience not to 'earn' the right to be saved but
out of our desire to do the will of God. On the night he was betrayed
Jesus taught the disciples about many things, including what it means
to love him and the Father. Jesus clearly linked love and obedience
when he said the following.

"If you love Me, keep the commandments - namely, My commandments. (John 14:15)

In the end, if we do not DO what is right --- if we do not obey our
Creator and Father --- then whatever faith we think we have is DEAD
and useless (James 2:24, 26).

This is what repentance is all about!

God's responses to prayer

What can you do in those instances when you know you have prayed for
something within God's will - and yet the answer to your prayer seems
to be SILENCE? You petition the Father in faith, yet his response is
nothing.
Don't be so sure that God's silence is His final answer or that it is
a "sign" for you to stop asking. If you have done everything right and
have made your petition in faith, consider His silence as an
invitation to approach Him and talk over the matter a little more. It
may be that God wants to see if you are willing to persist in your
request and pursue a definitive answer.

I am the Lord, and I created the whole world. 3 Ask me, and I will
tell you things that you don't know and can't find out. (Jeremiah 33)

7. And shall not God execute vengeance for His elect, who cry out to
Him day and night, and patiently watch over them? (Luke 18)

Don't give up until God answers you one way or another. When he does
respond it will be one of three answers: Yes, No and Wait.

The answer is YES

Of course, the answer all of us usually want from God regarding our
requests is a resounding YES!

Solomon, as a young and inexperienced King of Israel, asked God for
something he knew he greatly lacked - wisdom. God responded not only
with a loud YES, but gave him far more than he could have dared to
ask.

10 The Lord was pleased that Solomon had asked for this, 11 and so he
said to him, "Because you have asked for the wisdom to rule justly,
instead of long life for yourself or riches or the death of your
enemies, 12 I will do what you have asked. I will give you more wisdom
and understanding than anyone has ever had before or will ever have
again. 13 I will also give you what you have not asked for: all your
life you will have wealth and honor, more than that of any other king.
(1Kings 3, see also 2Chronicles 1:10-12)

The early church, after Peter was arrested by Herod, offered up
fervent prayers for him. What they received from God was nothing short
of miraculous. God personally sent one of his angels to free Peter of
his chains and escort him out of the prison in which he was held (Acts
12)!

They are, of course, many other examples in scripture where God grants
the request of those who pray to him.

The answer is NO

Like it or not, sometimes God's answer to our request is a flat NO.
Many times he does not give us what we want because we ask for
something to fulfill our own selfish desires and lusts.

3. Then you ask, and you do not receive, because you ask with evil
motives, that you may consume it on your own lusts. (James 4:3)

Moses, even though he wanted to enter the promised land with the rest
of Israelites, was kept from doing so by God because of his sin. He
was only allowed to view Canaan from a distance before he died
(Numbers 20:12, Deuteronomy 34:2-5). The apostle Paul wanted a painful
affliction taken away from him but was told no. God told Paul that his
grace (favor) was sufficient (2Corinthians 12:9). Even Jesus, the son
of God, was told NO when he asked that "the cup" of becoming sin for
us be taken from him (Matthew 26, see also Matthew 20:22-23).

The answer is WAIT

Having to wait and exercise patience is not easy, especially in a
society that expects instant gratification. Yet the character to wait
patiently and endure is something God wants in us (Romans 5:1-5).

I waited patiently for the Lord's help; then he listened to me and
heard my cry. (Psalm 40:1)

4 'All right,' I (Jeremiah) answered, 'I will pray to the Lord your
God, and I will tell you everything he says.' 7 TEN DAYS LATER, the
Lord gave me an answer (Jeremiah 42)

In the final analysis, believers can be confident that their prayers
to God do reach him for his loving consideration.

14. And this is the confidence that we have toward Him: that if we ask
anything according to His will, He hears us. 15. And if we know that
He hears us, whatever we may ask, we know that we have the requests
that we have asked of Him (1John 5:14-15)

Can a Christian go to heaven even if they have a sin habit?

Bible Question:

Even if you know Jesus is the Son of God and you keep habitually
committing a certain sins can you still be forgiven all of your sins
no matter what they are?


Bible Answer:
The reason a Christian usually has doubts about his or her salvation
or about God's forgiveness is because he or she is not confessing sin
and seeking to turn away from the sins he or she is committing. In 1
John the Holy Spirit tells us that this will happen, but He also says
that Christians will have confidence that they are God's children when
their conduct pleases God.

We shall know by this that we are of the truth, and shall assure our
heart before Him (NASB) 1 John 3:19

This is one mark of a true Christian.

Keeps His Word. God gives us several tests that we can use to
determine if we are Christians. One of these tests is found in 1 John
2. In this passage the apostle John writes,

By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His
commandments. The one who says, "I have come to know Him," and does
not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him; but
whoever keeps His word, in him the love of God has truly been
perfected. By this we know that we are in Him: the one who says he
abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked.
(NASB) 1 John 2:3-6

Did you notice that those who know God (Christians) obey God? If we
say that we are Christians because we know that Jesus is the Son of
God but we keep sinning, we have deceived ourselves. We are not really
Christians. The mark of a Christian is that he or she "keeps His
word." But what does it mean to "keep"? This unlocks the meaning of
our passage. Does this mean that God expects us to obey Him perfectly?
If one commits one sin, then is he or she no longer a Christian? The
answer is no because the Greek word for "keep" does not have the idea
of "perfection" but of "guarding or watching." It has the idea of a
strong commitment to keep or obey. The meaning becomes clear just a
few verses later when we read,

If you know that He is righteous, you know that everyone also who
practices righteousness is born of Him. (NASB) 1 John 2:29

Little children, make sure no one deceives you; the one who practices
righteousness is righteous, just as He is righteous; the one who
practices sin is of the devil; for the devil has sinned from the
beginning. The Son of God appeared for this purpose, to destroy the
works of the devil. No one who is born of God practices sin . . .
(NASB) 1 John 3:7-9

These verses explain what the Holy Spirit means by "keep His Word." He
is talking about a pattern of life – a pattern of obedience – a
pattern of holy living. True Christians have a pattern of life which
is marked by a commitment to be holy.

. . . because it is written, "YOU SHALL BE HOLY, FOR I AM HOLY."
(NASB) 1 Pet. 1:16

Test Yourself. What does this mean if you have a pattern of ongoing
sin in your life and you say, "I am a Christian"? The answer is found
in the book of 1 Corinthians which was written to a group of people
whom the apostle Paul called "saints" or Christians (1 Cor. 1:2). Yet,
they were sinning so much that an entire book was written to rebuke
them for their sins. In 1 Corinthians, the apostle warns them to stop
following the supposed wisdom of the world (1 Cor. 1), ignoring the
teaching of teh Spirit of God (1 Cor. 2), being competitive in
ministry (1 Cor. 3), being arrogant (1 Cor. 4), ignoring Christians
who have an ongoing habit of sin (1 Cor. 5), taking one another to
court (1 Cor. 6), sinning in marriage (1 Cor. 7), ignoring the
spiritual sensitivity of other Christians to sin (1 Cor. 8-10),
ignoring the proper conduct of worship and submission (1 Cor. 11),
abuses in worship (1 Cor. 12-14), and teaching false doctrine (1 Cor.
15).

In 2 Corinthians the apostle Paul continues with another list of sins.
These Corinthians had some serious problems. Were they really
Christians? Should we be comforted because the apostle called them
"saints"? The answer is no. Why? Because the apostle himself was not
sure they were Christians. Listen to Paul at the end of 2 Corinthians,

Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves!
(NASB) 2 Cor. 13:5

True Christians do not continue to practice sin. They fight to stop
and eventually find victory over their sin. The mark of a growing
Christian is victory over one sin after another sin. We must remember
that after we find victory over one, God then starts dealing with
another sin in our lives. Therefore, the apostle was concerned that
they might not be real Christians because of the sin in their life. He
encouraged them to evaluate or test themselves to see if they were
real Christians. Some other marks of a Christian are: you can
understand the Bible (1 Cor. 2:14; Heb. 5:11-14); you see the fruit of
the Holy Spirit growing in your life (Gal. 5:22-23); and you can sense
the Holy Spirit leading you (Rom. 8:14). These are the major ones. A
list of the marks of a Christian are available at this site.

Conclusion:
I would encourage you to test yourself to see if you are a Christian.
I would also encourage you to confess your sin to God every time you
commit this sin or sin(s) and to ask God to take control your life by
filling you with His Spirit (Eph. 5:17-18). This is the "will of God"
for each of us – to be filled with His Spirit. This is also the key to
victory over sin in your life. It is the same thing as "walking in the
Spirit" (Gal. 5:16-23). As you faithfully confess your sins, read the
Bible, and walk in the Spirit you will find victory over your sin.

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God
is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are
able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so
that you will be able to endure it. (NASB) 1 Cor. 10:13

Remember that God forgives every sin a Christian commits no matter what it is.

Says the LORD, "Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white
as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool.
(NASB) Isaiah 1:18

Can a Christian Commit Suicide and Still Be Saved?

One Second After Death

Like Lazarus and the rich man, immediately after death a person is in
a conscious state. They understand at the moment after they die
whether they are going to be judged and condemned to hell or they will
know Jesus and be in His presence immediately.

The apostle Paul understood that to be absent from the body was to be
present with the Lord as he wrote in II Corinthians 5:6-8: " Therefore
we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the
body we are away from the Lord. For we live by faith, not by sight. We
are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at
home with the Lord." In verse one of this same chapter he says, "For
we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a
building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human
hands."

The understanding is that the moment one dies in the faith, they are
absent from earth but immediately present with the Lord. Paul doesn't
qualify this with "but if we kill ourselves then we will not be
present with the Lord." In fact in verse 5 he says, "Now the one who
has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the
Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." Thus, God is
guaranteeing our delivery into the Lord's presence. But if you are not
born-again, then your fate, immediately after death is where the rich
man was. He was in eternal torment being tortured by fire and was
unable to cross over to the other side where God was (Luke 16:19-31).
If you die without Christ, your fate is sealed. This is why it is so
important that today you come to saving faith in Christ while it is
still called today for no one has any guarantee that tomorrow will
ever come (Heb. 4:7)

No Guarantees Apart from Christ

The rich man that died could never have any hope of going to heaven.
When a person dies without Christ, they can not choose to accept to
believe in Him then. It is too late. Those who think that they might
commit suicide take a great risk; that is a risk of spending eternity
apart from God.

If a person is not saved they will have to give an account for
everything that they have ever done or said in their entire life (Rev.
20). They will stand guilty and be judged for eternity by God
Almighty. Jesus can not help them then. If they commit suicide, they
will also have to pay the penalty for murder; that is murdering their
own selves. That will be a burden and everyone's suffering in eternal
torment is according to what they have done while alive on earth.
After a person dies without Christ they know that they are going to be
separated from God for all eternity; they will know this a split
second after they die. Then of course, it is too late to repent and be
saved.

God-Given Guarantee

Once a person is saved, that is born-again, there is no way that they
will ever be lost again. Not only that, they will not lose the reward
of heaven and being in the presence of Jesus Christ. Here are biblical
guarantees:

I Peter 1:3-5 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus
Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living
hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and
into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This
inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded
by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be
revealed in the last time. "

Romans 8:38 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither
angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any
powers…"

Ephesians 1:13-14, 4:30 "And you also were included in Christ when you
heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you
believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy
Spirit, 14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the
redemption of those who are God's possession—to the praise of his
glory." And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were
sealed for the day of redemption. "

2 Corinthians 5:5 "Now the one who has fashioned us for this very
purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing
what is to come."

Reflect on these words straight from the mouth of God since all
scripture is God-breathed and inspired by God Himself (II Tim 3:16).
God says about those who are saved that they are: sealed for the day
of redemption, guaranteed for what is to come, promised that you are
His possession, have a deposit for an eternal inheritance, an
inheritance that can never perish! Wow…yes, believe it. God would not
have you born-again only to abort you at the last moment. We are
saved, as Paul says, that not even the demons, or an angel, anything
in the future, past, or present, or even death itself could rob.

In Philippians 1:6 God says through Paul that "being confident of
this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to
completion until the day of Christ Jesus." God will complete what He
has started. No matter what happens. And yes, this includes someone
who takes their own life. Many biblical heroes have contemplated
suicide: Job, Jeremiah, Jonah, and even mighty Samson.

A Loss of Rewards

In I Corinthians 3: 12-15, Paul relates that we can lose rewards but
not our eternal life, as he writes, "If anyone builds on this
foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw,
their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it
to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the
quality of each person's work. If what has been built survives, the
builder will receive a reward. If it is burned up, the builder will
suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping
through the flames." Read any Bible commentary on these verses and it
clearly shows that a Christian will receive rewards at the Bema
Judgment Seat of Christ. This is not to be confused with the Great
White Throne Judgment in Revelation 20 where those who died without
Christ are thrown into the lake of fire.

In I Corinthians chapter three, Paul speaks about some losing rewards
due to carnal works that will be burned up. Each Christian will be
rewarded by what they have done while on this earth; did they help the
poor, witness to the lost about the gospel, visit someone in the
hospital or prison, and so on. So even though a Christian can take
their own life, they will not lose their eternal life. They will lose
rewards yes, but not their eternal inheritance. Remember that if you
were born-again, you are sealed with a promise, guaranteed an
inheritance and God will complete in you what He has begun; even
despite our own selves.

Of course suicide is not a good way to end our earthly suffering. If
you are in an extended state of depression, please seek immediate
help. Anyone who is not saved and commits suicide is in serious
trouble for they will have the wrath of God upon them at the Great
White Throne Judgment Seat. If you find yourself in a serious,
extended state of depression, seek professional help immediately. I
pray that if you are not saved, you will know Jesus Christ today.
Accept the free gift of eternal life. All you have to do is believe
and acknowledge your sins before God. He will freely give you grace.
It is just that simple. Do this right now and nothing can ever
separate you from God…for all eternity.

Conclusion

Immediately after you die you will either be in Hell or Heaven.
Believers, when they die, are absent from the body and present with
the Lord (2 Cor 5:6-8). Eternal life is a guarantee and when a
believer takes his own life he will lose rewards in Heaven, but he
will not lose his place in Heaven. An unbeliever, when he dies, knows
a split second after death that they are eternally separated from God
(just like in the account of Lazarus and the rich man). After death it
is too late to be saved. There is help for those who are contemplating
suicide. Please seek help rather than death.

What should be the order of priorities in our family?

The Bible does not lay out a step-by-step order for family
relationship priorities. However, we can still look to the Scriptures
and find general principles for prioritizing our family relationships.
God obviously comes first: Deuteronomy 6:5, "Love the LORD your God
with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
strength." All of one's heart, soul, and strength is to be committed
to loving God, making Him the first priority.

If you are married, your spouse comes next. A married man is to love
his wife as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25). Christ's first
priority—after obeying and glorifying the Father—was the church. Here
is an example a husband should follow: God first, then his wife. In
the same way, wives are to submit to their husbands "as to the Lord"
(Ephesians 5:22). The principle is that a woman's husband is second
only to God in her priorities.

If husbands and wives are second only to God in our priorities, and
since a husband and wife are one flesh (Ephesians 5:31), it stands to
reason that the result of the marriage relationship—children—should be
the next priority. Parents are to raise godly children who will be the
next generation of those who love the Lord with all their hearts
(Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4), showing once again that God comes
first. All other family relationships should reflect that.

Deuteronomy 5:16 tells us to honor our parents so that we may live
long and so things will go well with us. No age limit is specified,
which leads us to believe that as long as our parents are alive, we
should honor them. Of course, once a child reaches adulthood, he is no
longer obligated to obey them ("Children, obey your parents..."), but
there is no age limit to honoring them. We can conclude from this that
parents are next in the list of priorities after God, our spouses, and
our children. After parents comes the rest of one's family (1 Timothy
5:8).

Following one's extended family in the list of priorities are fellow
believers. Romans 14 tells us not to judge or look down upon our
brothers (v. 10) or do anything to cause a fellow Christian to
"stumble" or fall spiritually. Much of the book of 1 Corinthians is
Paul's instructions on how the church should live together in harmony,
loving one another. Other exhortations referring to our brothers and
sisters in Christ are "serve one another in love" (Galatians 5:13);
"be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just
as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32); "encourage one another
and build each other up" (1 Thessalonians 5:11); and "consider how we
may spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24).
Finally comes the rest of the world (Matthew 28:19), to whom we should
bring the gospel, making disciples of Christ.

In conclusion, the scriptural order of priorities is God, spouse,
children, parents, extended family, brothers and sisters in Christ,
and then the rest of the world. While sometimes decisions must be made
to focus on one person over another, the goal is to not be neglecting
any of our relationships. The biblical balance is allowing God to
empower us to meet all of our relationship priorities, inside and
outside our families.

Does God care about the little things that happen in our lives?

Of course, God cares about the little things in our lives, because
everything is "little" compared to God! Luke 12:7 says, "Indeed, the
very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are
worth more than many sparrows." God takes the time to keep up with how
many hairs we have—now that's a God of detail!

Throughout Scripture, we see that God is interested in more than just
the highlights of our lives as His children. He cares about every
aspect of who we are, because we are His creation made in His image
(see Genesis 1:27). He cares for all of His creations, including
plants, animals, and the environment. Matthew 6:26 says, "Look at the
birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and
yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable
than they?" If God even meets the needs of birds who are not made in
His image, who have no will to choose Him or reject Him, how much more
will he care for our needs in detail? Because of God's care, we can
trust Him: "Your Father knows what you need before you ask him"
(Matthew 6:8).

Throughout Jesus' earthly ministry, we see that He was interested in
the specifics of people's lives. Jesus has always been more interested
in quality than quantity. Jesus was sent to save the lost and bridge
the gap between man and God since the fall, but He still took the time
to meet the immediate needs of people He encountered. In Matthew
14:18–21 we see a clear picture of Jesus' compassion on the hungry
crowds. One meal in the lives of so many is but a detail, yet we have
an amazing account of His earnestness in providing a heaven-sent meal
for over 5,000 men, women, and children.

Children are "little things" and often seen to get in the way of the
more "important" things. In fact, once when people brought their
children to Jesus, the disciples rebuked them with the thought of
sending them away. "When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to
them, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for
the kingdom of God belongs to such as these'" (Mark 10:14). Jesus is
not too "big" or too busy to bless the children.

God does indeed care about the "little things" in our lives, because
He cares about us. Compared to Him and His glory, our whole lives are
made up of those "little things." Psalm 139:17–18 says, "How precious
to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them, Were I to
count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I am awake,
I am still with you."

How should Christian parents respond if one of their children comes out as gay?

If a child reveals his or her homosexuality, the first thing for
Christian parents to do is let their child know that, no matter what,
love and grace will win the day. Mom and dad's love will continue,
regardless. First John 4:8 says, "The one who does not love does not
know God, for God is love." "God's kindness is intended to lead you to
repentance" (Romans 2:4).

All parents need to remember that our children (like ourselves) have
heart issues. We're not trying to put good fruit on bad trees; we are
passionately praying for our wayward children that God would change
the roots of the tree—that He might remove their heart of stone and
replace it with a heart of flesh (see Ezekiel 36:26).

Parents should also encourage a child who has "come out" not to define
himself as a "homosexual." It's important to ask questions: Are you in
a relationship? Is the relationship sexual or platonic? Have you acted
out your feelings of same-sex attraction, or are they just thoughts
you have? Parents can come alongside a struggling child and help him
see that he is not "gay" simply because he has homosexual thoughts.
Rather, he is struggling with homosexual desires or same-sex
attraction.

The difference between struggling with homosexuality and identifying
oneself as gay may seem subtle, but it is a huge distinction, and
here's why. God never created us to be homosexual. In Christ that is
not who we are. In Christ we are a new creation. Christians may
struggle with impatience, idolatry, lust, or pride. Christians may
struggle with same-sex attraction, but that does not make them
homosexuals. We are new creations in Christ.

So, Christian parents can approach their child as broken people and
offer to struggle together through their imperfections. It is
important that we never communicate to those who have same-sex
tendencies that their sin is the worst of all sins. Yes, homosexuality
is sinful, but not to a level above that of heterosexual lust or lying
or pride. The truth is we are all broken, and we all need help to
remain pure.

Also, Christian parents should make clear their biblical convictions,
but only after they have established a basis of love and grace and
empathy and compassion. Your children need to know that the Bible is
the supreme authority on all matters of faith and conduct. Not mom,
not dad, not peers, not the church. And the Bible says that
homosexuality is counter to God's intended purpose for human beings.
Sexuality must be heterosexual in nature and within the boundary of
marriage.

If a child says, "I am homosexual. That's the way it is, and I don't
care what God thinks," then clearly the parents are back at step one.
This child needs a serious heart change, and only God can change the
heart. Sin is a heart problem, and until God changes the heart and the
child is gripped by the grace of God, nothing will matter. A parent's
convictions will not matter. The letter of the law will not matter.
Love is key. It is what drove the prodigal son back to the arms of his
father (Luke 15:11–32), and it is, according to the apostle Paul, the
greatest of gifts (1 Corinthians 13:13).

How can I learn to not take offense at little things?

Trying to not take offense is like trying to not think about
elephants. If someone says, "Don't think about elephants," we
automatically think about them. If we focus on trying not to take
offense, we will keep thinking about the offense. This principle
applies to just about any sin a person can commit. When we focus on a
behavior, even in an attempt to eliminate it, the result is more of
that behavior. This is just how our minds work. Thankfully, there is
another, better way to address this problem.

People are lured and enticed into sin as a result of desire—wanting is
the beginning of sinning (James 1:14). Every sin or bad behavior
begins with desire. Desire itself is not bad; there are many good
desires. But the desires that lead to sin are wrong desires, the
desires based in false perspectives and misplaced expectations about
others and ourselves. To eliminate a bad behavior, we must first
discover the desire behind it.

For many people, the tendency to take offense at little things is
rooted in a false perspective of security. We all desire security and
safety; we desire the good opinion of others. We secure those good
opinions with performance: what we do, how we speak, how we dress, how
we express ourselves, etc. When our security is based on our
performance, we may feel threatened when someone expresses something
negative about us. The natural response to that threat is to take
offense or become angry. Even a casual, flippant, or offhand remark
can gnaw at us and steal our peace. The way to prevent taking offense
is to address our desire for security. As long as feelings of security
are rooted in ourselves, the tendency to take offense, even at the
little things, will exist. If, however, our feelings of security are
not rooted in ourselves or our performance, our perspective will
change and our response to the actions and comments of others will
become more balanced.

Remember the acronym COP.

Cover. Twice in the book of Proverbs, we are told to "cover" offenses
(Proverbs 10:12; 17:9). The covering of offense is related to love.
First Peter 4:8 says, "Love covers over a multitude of sins"—and that
"multitude" would have to include small slights. In any relationship,
there are many irksome things that should just be "covered" for the
sake of love. By covering an offense, or not revealing it to others,
we are empathizing with the offender and extending the benefit of the
doubt. Perhaps he did not mean what he said; perhaps we misunderstood.
Perhaps the offender was having a bad day or wasn't thinking straight.
Covering the offense of another helps us, too. Remember the elephant?
When we focus on the needs of the person who offended us, we no longer
think about how offended we feel.

Overlook. "A person's wisdom yields patience; / it is to one's glory
to overlook an offense"(Proverbs 19:11). Forgiveness is an honorable
thing. When you cover an offense, you give grace and empathy to the
offender. When you overlook an offense, you choose to give something
valuable to yourself—the reminder that your security is not based on
others' opinions of you but on the security you have in Christ (see
Ephesians 1:5–7).

Pray. Jesus told His disciples on multiple occasions that if they
prayed for anything in His name (or, according to His will) they would
have what they asked for. Do you believe that God wants you to be
angry with others, or forgiving of them? Do you believe that your
security is in Him, rather than in yourself? If you pray consistently,
asking Him to help you not take offense, He will answer that prayer.
If you ask Him to remind you of His secure and stedfast love, He will
answer that prayer. You can confidently pray for help in every
offending situation (Hebrews 4:16).

In Bethany, as Jesus was reclining at a table, a woman entered the
room with an alabaster jar of fine perfume. The woman broke the
container and anointed Jesus' head with the fragrant ointment (Mark
14:3). Immediately, she was criticized; in fact, "they rebuked her
harshly" (verses 4–5). The woman could have taken offense at their
words. It would have been natural for her to react in kind. But she
didn't have to. Jesus came to her defense: "Leave her alone" (verse
6). The woman's love of Christ and her meek response to an offense
were honored, and "wherever the gospel is preached throughout the
world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her" (verse
9).

To sum up, when we take offense, it is because someone has hurt us or
frightened us. God has given us two ways to deal with the offense.
First, by remembering that the other person also has things that hurt
and frighten him. When we love the offender and focus on his needs
(cover and overlook), we will no longer notice the offense. Second, by
remembering that, when we belong to Christ, we are fundamentally
secure in Him; we do not need to react and defend ourselves, because
He has promised to defend us (Isaiah 35:3–4). When we struggle to
trust Him or to believe that we are secure in Him, all we need to do
is pray for the strength to do so, and we know that He will answer
(John 14:13–14).

Does God forgive the sins we will commit in the future, or just those from our past?

One of the Bible's greatest truths is that Christ died to take away
all our sins–not just part of them, but all of them: past, present,
and future.

This is why you shouldn't fear that you will lose your salvation every
time you commit a sin. If that were the case, you and I would lose our
salvation every day–because we sin every day. Even if our actions are
pure, our thoughts often are not. And even if our actions and thoughts
are pure, we still sin because of the good things we should be doing
but fail to do.

Never forget: Your salvation does not depend on you and how good you are.

It depends solely on Christ and what He has already done for you
through His death on the cross. The Bible says that Christ "appeared
once for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the
sacrifice of himself" (Hebrews 9:26).

Does that mean it doesn't matter whether or not you sin? No, of course
not. Sin is serious; it is an offense to God, and it breaks our
fellowship with Him. Sin also compromises our witness for Christ. The
Bible is clear: "Be holy, because I am holy" (1 Peter 1:16).

But you cannot live the Christian life in your own strength. You need
God's help–which is why He has given His Holy Spirit to you. When you
sin, confess it immediately, and then seek the Holy Spirit's help each
day to live as you should.

What does the Bible say about raising children?

God created the family. His design was for a man and a woman to marry
for life and raise children to know and honor Him (Mark 10:9; Malachi
2:15). Adoption is also God's idea, and He models this in His adoption
of us as His children (Romans 8:15, 23; Ephesians 1:5). Regardless of
the means by which they enter a family, children are a gift from God
and He cares about how they are raised (Psalm 127:3; Psalm 34:11;
Proverbs 23:13–14). When God gives us gifts, He also gives clear
instructions about their use.

When God led the Israelites out of bondage, He commanded them to teach
their children all He had done for them (Deuteronomy 6:6–7; 11:19). He
desired that the generations to come would continue to uphold all His
commands. When one generation fails to instill God's laws in the next,
a society quickly declines. Parents have not only a responsibility to
their children, but an assignment from God to impart His values and
truth into their lives.

Several places in Scripture give specific instructions to parents
about how to raise their children. Ephesians 6:4 says, "Fathers, do
not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord." There are several ways
parents might provoke their children to anger. Some parents set
impossible standards so that a child despairs of ever achieving them.
Some parents tease, ridicule, or humiliate their children as a means
of punishment, which does nothing but provoke them to anger.
Inconsistency can also provoke to anger as a child is never sure about
the consequences of his actions. Hypocrisy provokes children to anger
when parents require behavior from children that the parents are not
choosing for themselves.

To "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" means
that parents should train their children the way God trains us. As a
Father, God is "slow to anger" (Numbers 14:18; Psalm 145:8), patient
(Psalm 86:15), and forgiving (Daniel 9:9). His discipline is designed
to bring us to repentance (Hebrews 12:6–11). His instruction is found
in His Word (John 17:17; Psalm 119:97), and He desires that parents
fill their homes with His truth (Deuteronomy 6:67).

He also disciplines His children (Proverbs 3:11; Hebrews 12:5) and
expects earthly parents to do the same (Proverbs 23:13). Psalm 94:12
says, "Blessed is the one you discipline, LORD, the one you teach from
your law." The word discipline comes from the root word disciple. To
discipline someone means to make a disciple of him. God's discipline
is designed to "conform us to the image of Christ" (Romans 8:29).
Parents can make disciples of their children by instilling values and
life lessons they have learned. As parents practice godly living and
make Spirit-controlled decisions (Galatians 5:16, 25), they can
encourage their children to follow their example. Proper, consistent
discipline brings a "harvest of righteousness" (Hebrews 12:11).
Failure to discipline results in dishonor for both parent and child
(Proverbs 10:1). Proverbs 15:32 says that the one who ignores
discipline "despises himself." The Lord brought judgment upon Eli the
priest because he allowed his sons to dishonor the Lord and "failed to
restrain them" (1 Samuel 3:13).

Children are a "heritage from the Lord" (Psalm 127:3). He places them
in families and gives parents guidance in how they are to be raised.
The goal of good parenting is to produce wise children who know and
honor God with their lives. Proverbs 23:24 shows the end result of
raising children according to God's plan: "The father of godly
children has cause for joy. What a pleasure to have children who are
wise" (NLT).

Christian martyrdom / Should Christians desire to become martyrs?

The dictionary defines a martyr as "a person who is killed because of
his religious or other beliefs." Interestingly enough, the English
word martyr is really a word transliterated from the original Greek
martur, which simply means "witness." The reason why this word became
synonymous with dying for one's religious beliefs is that the early
Christian witnesses were often persecuted and/or killed for their
witness.

As evidence of this, consider the story of the first Christian martyr,
Stephen, recorded in Acts 6:8–7:53. After being anointed as one of the
first deacons in the church, Stephen immediately began doing mighty
works among the people. As is usually the case when the Holy Spirit is
mightily at work and the gospel is going forth, the forces of darkness
arise to hinder the work of the kingdom. In this case, several men
came to dispute what Stephen was saying, but Stephen, filled with the
Holy Spirit, was able to refute their criticisms. Rather than accept
what Stephen was teaching, these men brought false charges against him
to the Jewish leaders (Acts 6:11-14). Most of Acts 7 consists of
Stephen's speech to the Jewish leaders in which he essentially
summarized the history of Israel up to their rejection of their
Messiah.

At the end of the speech, Stephen utters these words, which seal his
fate: "You stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in heart and ears, you
always resist the Holy Spirit. As your fathers did, so do you. Which
of the prophets did your fathers not persecute? And they killed those
who announced beforehand the coming of the Righteous One, whom you
have now betrayed and murdered, you who received the law as delivered
by angels and did not keep it" (Acts 7:51-53).

Now, there was nothing untrue in Stephen's words. The Jewish leaders
were indeed responsible for turning Jesus over to the Romans for
execution. Despite Jesus' miracles and authoritative teaching, the
hardness of the Jewish leaders' hearts kept them from seeing the truth
about Jesus. The Jewish leaders, upon hearing Stephen's words, were
enraged and immediately arranged for Stephen's execution by stoning
(v. 58). Stephen was, therefore, the first Christian martyr recorded
in Scripture.

The Bible places a premium on faithful believers who pay the ultimate
price for their witness. Stephen was granted a glorious vision of
heaven before he died, and in this vision, he saw Jesus standing at
the right hand of the Father (Acts 7:56) as though waiting for Stephen
in an attitude of honor for Stephen's faithful service. As further
evidence that martyrs are considered precious in God's sight, the
apostle John saw in his vision of the millennium those martyred for
their faith reigning with Christ for a thousand years (Revelation
20:4). The apostle Peter, who wrote the most about martyrdom and
suffering for one's faith, said, "If you are insulted because of the
name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God
rests on you... However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be
ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name" (1 Peter 4:14, 16).
There is also the word of our Lord who pronounced a blessing upon
those who are persecuted for His name: "Blessed are you when people
insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against
you because of me" (Matthew 5:11).

Clearly, the biblical evidence points to the fact that those who are
persecuted and suffer for their witness to Christ (up to and including
death) are pleasing in God's sight. Given that, two additional
questions arise. First, what if I'm not asked to make the ultimate
sacrifice for the cause of Christ? God doesn't call everyone to make
the ultimate sacrifice, but the Bible calls all Christians to be
prepared to give a defense of the hope within us (1 Peter 3:15). The
key to this passage lies in preparedness. Consider this analogy: those
enlisting in the armed services should do so with the understanding
that they may be called into battle and may be called upon to die in
the service of their country. This is (or should be) the mindset of
everyone who joins the military. Clearly, not all enlisted men and
women die in the service of their country, and not all are even called
into battle. Despite this, they are trained daily to be prepared for
battle. The same goes for the Christian. We are in a state of
"warfare" (Ephesians 6:12-20), and our Lord may call upon any of us to
witness and even be martyred for our faith. Thus, we must be prepared!

The second question that can be asked is, given martyrdom's "special"
status in God's eyes, should we actually seek martyrdom? Biblically,
we can't make a case for seeking to be martyrs for the cause of
Christ. Martyrdom is a great privilege if it is inevitable, but it is
not to be sought. Jesus said, "When they persecute you in one town,
flee to the next" (Matthew 10:23). Furthermore, reading through the
book of Acts, we see that the early church continually fled from
intense persecution (Acts 8:1; 9:25, 30; 14:6; 17:10, 14). In each of
these biblical examples, we see the early Christians fleeing
persecution and taking all necessary precautions for survival. When
Jesus says, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses
his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:39), He is not calling
for people to make an attempt to lose their lives. Rather, He is
calling us to be willing to lose our lives for His sake. Those who
actively seek the path of martyrdom are not seeking it for the glory
of God, but for their own glory. As the old saying goes, the blood of
the martyrs is the seed of the church. God's purpose in martyrdom is
the glorification of His name and the building up of His church.

Should a married person have a close friend of the opposite sex?

The Bible does not forbid close friendships between men and women. As
Christians, however, there are some principles that we would be wise
to heed. Married people especially need to be wary of friendships with
members of the opposite sex because temptations are more likely to
arise when there are marital problems. If a man's best friend is a
woman who is not his wife, he is likely to share these problems with
her, which can lead to an unhealthy emotional attachment. The same
holds true for a woman who has as a best friend a man who is not her
husband.

Most married men (or women) who have affairs don't purposely go out to
find a romantic interest outside of their marriage. Many people say,
"I didn't mean for it to happen; it just happened." But these things
"just happen" when we "play with fire" and put ourselves in situations
that are difficult to control. When we feel a spouse is not attentive
to our needs, we can easily feel that we have "fallen in love" with
someone else who does give us the attention we crave. When we feel
ignored or under-appreciated by a spouse, we should communicate our
struggles with the spouse and avoid the danger of seeking comfort
elsewhere.

Even a marriage that is built on a foundation of faith in Christ and
has relatively few problems is not immune to extra-marital
temptations. This is why the Bible does not tell us to stick around
and try to fight temptation, but to flee from it like we do from all
"youthful lusts" (2 Timothy 2:22). Trying to fight temptation seems to
become especially difficult when it comes to matters of the heart or
the lusts of the flesh. First Corinthians 6:18 tells us that we need
to run away from sexual sin, because it is much easier to run away
from temptation than to stay and fight it.

Married men and women should carefully avoid putting themselves in
compromising situations when it comes to the opposite sex. If they are
seen together in public, it will give the wrong impression. If they
are alone on the phone or in person, they will subject themselves to
the temptation of an emotional or physical affair. The Bible tells us
that everything we do should be for the glory of God (1 Corinthians
10:31), so the wise thing would be to stick to visiting as couples or
"double dating" with other married couples, as opposed to risking the
complications associated with close friendships with the opposite sex.

How can I overcome having a critical spirit?

A critical spirit is not difficult to recognize. Its fruit is usually
evident. Someone with a critical spirit is prone to complaining,
seeing the glass as half-empty, ruing unmet expectations, sensing
failure (in others more than in oneself), and being judgmental.
Critical spirits are no fun to be around; neither are they fun to
possess.

As with most sin, having a critical spirit is a perversion of
something God made to be good—in this case, a longing for God and His
perfection. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "[God] has made everything
beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man's heart, yet
so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the
end." We live in a fallen world, and we are often impatient to enter
into the glorious perfection for which we were originally created. In
a sense, it is good that we can see what's lacking in this world;
after all, the world is not as it should be, nor are we as we should
be. Recognizing the world's insufficiency helps us to acknowledge our
need of a Savior. But having a critical spirit can blind us to the
grace and beauty that God continues to bestow every day. A critical
spirit can also be seen as a perversion of discernment. Often, those
accused of having a critical spirit make valid points. They just make
their points in an unpalatable manner.

Obviously, critical spirits are destructive, tearing down both the
recipient and the giver of the criticisms (Galatians 5:14-15). The
Bible speaks against such critical judgment. In Matthew 7:1-2 Jesus
says, "Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you
pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be
measured to you." Jesus is not saying that we should not be discerning
or that we should ignore the fallen nature of the world. He is also
not saying that we must never, under any circumstance, criticize
anyone else. In fact, the Bible tells us that we are to judge rightly
(John 7:24). However, we are not to criticize with malicious intent or
out of pride, hypocrisy, or self-righteousness. We cannot assume that
we are impartial or that we can fairly exact our standards on others.
Humans have naturally deceitful hearts (Jeremiah 17:9) that allow for
blind spots and inappropriate comparisons. Only God can judge with
perfect accuracy (Hebrews 4:12; James 4:11-12; 1 Samuel 16:7; 1
Chronicles 28:9; Isaiah 11:4; Revelation 19:11). And our discernment
is only valid when it is informed by a renewed nature in Christ (2
Corinthians 2:14-16; John 16:13). Only when we are submitted to Christ
and honest with ourselves will our judgment serve to edify rather than
destroy.

So how do we overcome a critical spirit? The condition of our heart is
crucial. Luke 6:45 says, "The good person out of the good treasure of
his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure
produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth
speaks." Critical words spring from a critical heart. And a critical
heart generally comes from a misunderstanding of God's grace—either
due to pride or a simple lack of information about God's character and
the meaning of salvation. Only when we understand our depravity apart
from God and the depth of His grace will we be able to bestow grace to
others (Romans 3:23; 6:23; Colossians 2:13-15; Ephesians 2:1-10).
Those who struggle with a critical spirit know that they can never
live up to their own standards. They are constantly judging others and
themselves and always coming up lacking. But Christ fills this lack!
He is perfect and righteous, and He freely grants that righteousness
to those who believe in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21). The better we
understand God's grace, the more gracious we will be with others (1
Peter 2:1-3). And the more grateful we will be. The giving of thanks
is a strong antidote to a critical spirit.

Another important area is our thought lives (Romans 12:1-2; 2
Corinthians 10:5). Rather than focus on what is missing, we should
think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable,
excellent and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8). This is not to say that
we should ignore falsehood, injustice, ugliness, or imperfection.
However, we should not dwell on the negatives. Paul instructed the
Ephesians regarding this, "We are to grow up in every way into him who
is the head, into Christ . . . so that [the body] builds itself up in
love. . . . Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only
such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may
give grace to those who hear. . . . Let all bitterness and wrath and
anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all
malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:15-16, 29, 31-32). Sure,
things could be better than they are, but love covers many sins
(Proverbs 10:12). Forgiveness is a priority. As the Body of Christ, we
speak out of a heart of love in order to build each other up. A
critical spirit only serves to tear down (Ephesians 4:1-3; Galatians
6:1-5).

It can also be helpful to remind ourselves that we do not know the
thoughts and intentions of others. At times, behavior reflects
motivation, but not always. Before making a critical remark (whether
aloud or to ourselves), we should pause and consider other
possibilities. Is this person truly an uncaring jerk, or is he perhaps
going through a difficult situation and in need of grace? The Golden
Rule is a very helpful tool.

A critical spirit tears down those around us and robs us of our own
ability to enjoy life. When we become overly critical, we miss out on
the beauty that God has placed in this world. Small blessings go
unnoticed, and we stop being thankful. Overcoming a critical spirit
requires gratefulness, a willingness to forgive, an accurate
understanding of God's grace (it's free!), an intentional refocusing
of our thoughts, and a commitment to share the truth in love.
Overcoming a critical spirit is a matter of sanctification, and we
have the Holy Spirit's help with that (2 Thessalonians 2:13). As we
submit to God, read His Word, and pray for grace, we will find that
the critical spirit gives up control to the Holy Spirit of Christ.