God. Hence, you must choose well. Outside of your decision to follow
Jesus, marriage will be your 2nd greatest decision in life. So, here's
my take on a paramount issue.
10 Men Christian Women Should Not Marry:
1. The Unbeliever. Seems quite simple, but I've met too many who've
married unbelievers thinking that they'll change them. Rarely happens.
"Missionary Dating" is unbiblical and will only rob you of true
marital bliss. Remember that God forbids it: "Do not be yoked together
with unbelievers." (2 Cor 6:14)
What then, is a believer? A Christian essentially is someone who
believes in the gospel of Jesus Christ. What then, is the gospel?
The gospel is: 1. God is holy, loving, and just. He therefore, must
condemn all sinners to punishment in the flames of eternal hell; 2.
You and I are all sinners who deserve nothing but God's wrath in hell
after our deaths; 3. God loved humanity so much that He sent His only
Son, Jesus (who was fully God and fully man), to die on the cross for
your sins. Jesus paid the debt for your sins and absorbed God's wrath
on your behalf. 3 days later, Jesus resurrected from the dead; 4. If
you repent (turn from) all your sins and personally put your faith in
Jesus Christ as your Lord, God and Savior, then you will have eternal
life.
2. The Younger Man. Now, I wouldn't necessarily call this one a sin,
but I would certainly say that it is not God's ideal. (And why would
you want anything less than God's ideal for marriage?) We all know
that wives are called to submit to their husbands, as to the Lord (Eph
5:22). God explicitly calls men to be the spiritual leaders of their
families. En route to making the first marriage, God created Adam
first, and then Eve. Did God have a wise reason for creating Adam
first or was the first marriage randomly constructed by God?
According to the apostle Paul, it was not done arbitrarily. Instead,
this was done for the sake of authority. As Paul informs us, authority
flows from chronology: "I do not permit a woman to teach or to
exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For
Adam was formed first, then Eve" (1 Timothy 2:13-14). In other words,
age matters–generally within society but especially within marriage
(hence, Paul's use of "Adam and Eve"). Evidently, within the First
Marriage, God intended chronology (age) to be a reason for authority.
I would definitely call for wives who are already married in this
situation to still submit to their younger husbands as the Bible
commands (divorce is not an option), but they'll need an extra measure
of God's grace as the natural fallen tendency of all daughters of Eve
is to usurp their husbands' authority (Gen 3:16). To those who are not
yet wed, I would plead with you to marry an older Christian man. It is
God's ideal and your marriage will be happier for it.
Don't want to believe that God knew what He was doing when He
intentionally made the male older in the First Marriage? Okay then,
here's some statistics from secular research that backs up God's
wisdom:
"If you're a woman two or more years older than your husband, your
marriage is 53 percent more likely to end in divorce than if he was
one year younger to three years older."
Marrying an older man shortens a woman's lifespan, but having a
younger husband reduces it even more, the study found.
A new study shows that women who marry men seven to nine years younger
than they are increase their mortality risk by 20 percent.
3. The Spiritually Younger Man. Though age is important, a man's
spiritual maturity is also important (and by the way, please don't
bamboozle yourself by saying, "Well, as long as he's SPIRITUALLY older
than me, his age doesn't matter–as I've laid out in point two, it does
matter!). Look for a man who will love you as Christ loved the Church
(Eph 5:25), and if he doesn't even know "how" Christ loved the Church,
then it's time for you to find another man. He must lead you as Christ
led His Church. Too many women date spiritually immature men who only
lead them to the murky waters of marital spiritual loneliness. Make
sure he's grounded in a local church. Speak to his pastor and his
elders. Have devotionals together. Marriage is a serious decision.
Take serious steps.
4. The Divorced Man. This one's fairly straight-forward in Scripture:
"Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery,
and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery"
(Luke 16:18;
Bottom line: Any 2nd marriage is adultery in the eyes of God, unless
the 1st marriage terminated due to adultery.
What to do if you're in a 2nd marriage that's really viewed as
adultery in the eyes of God? Same thing I would advise a "married"
gay couple if they came to faith in Christ–immediately break it up!
Of course, it won't be emotionally easy, but the eternal destiny of
your soul depends upon a correct response on this issue (1 Cor 6:9).
5. The Angry Man. Men who cannot control their emotions prior to
marriage will, in all likelihood, be angry men after marriage. Try not
to rationalize this one by saying, "Well, I deserved that…I made him
angry." Outbursts of anger are bouts of sin and there's no excuse.
Furthermore, those things usually turn into domestic abuse later on.
Remember, marriage is about love. I know, it sounds easy to remember,
but you'd be surprised.
"Fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness,
orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before,
that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God."
(Galatians 5:20-21 ESV)
6. The Self-Admirer. I know, I know, you want a good looking spouse.
That desire is not a bad thing. But if a man is spending more time at
the gym and in front of the mirror than at church and in God's Word,
then that man won't love you as Christ loved the Church. In fact, he
won't love you–period. He loves himself and he probably just wants you
for physical pleasure. If he's changing profile pictures often,
obsessing over his looks and photo angles, then be wary. "For
everything in the world–the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes,
and the pride of life–comes not from the Father but from the world."
(1 John 2:16)
7. The Dishonest. Marriage is built on trust. Without it, the entire
enterprise quickly unravels. Women, if he's lied to you before
marriage, he'll keep it up after. If he's having sex before marriage,
he'll likely cheat on you after marriage. Look for a honest guy. Pray
for one. Remember that the devil is the father of lies (John 8:44).
8. The Addict. Whether it's porn or drugs, if you've discovered that
your boyfriend is an addict, stop dating him and talk to his church
leaders about it. At the moment, the man needs help–not a wife. Men
who've covered up their sins while continuing to go to church are some
of the worst deceivers. They're also usually self-deluded. And no
matter how much he pleads with you, let it go. The man needs Jesus–not
a woman. Until the bondage is broken, release him to Christ (Exodus
20:3).
9. The Idle. If his idea of an ideal marriage is letting you work
while he stays home sleeping and relaxing, then you should find
another man. There is a deep theology to work and in fact, if the man
is not providing for his family, the Bible calls him worse than an
unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8).
10. The Un-Evangelist. Okay, maybe I made up the term, but the point
is clear (Mark 16:15). If the man says that he believes in the gospel
of Jesus Christ–meaning that there is 1. a literal hell awaiting
unbelievers, 2. grace and pardon available to all who put their faith
in Jesus–but he simultaneously does NOT evangelize…does he really
believe? Does he really love God? Does he really love people? Will he
ever love you the way Christ loved and died for His Church (when
evidently, he's too ashamed to even proclaim the death of Christ)?
Self-proclaimed atheist Penn Jillette once put it well:
"I've always said that I don't respect people who don't proselytize. I
don't respect that at all. If you believe that there's a heaven and a
hell, and people could be going to hell or not getting eternal life,
and you think that it's not really worth telling them this because it
would make it socially awkward—and atheists who think people shouldn't
proselytize and who say just leave me alone and keep your religion to
yourself—how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize? How
much do you have to hate somebody to believe everlasting life is
possible and not tell them that? I mean, if I believed, beyond the
shadow of a doubt, that a truck was coming at you, and you didn't
believe that truck was bearing down on you, there is a certain point
where I tackle you. And this is more important than that."
All that's very true. How much do you have to hate somebody to not
evangelize? "How much do you have to hate somebody to believe
everlasting life is possible and not tell them that?" Unless, of
course, he really doesn't believe…but then, we would discover
ourselves back at warning point number 1 of this post.
Choose well, ladies. The church loves you and prays for you to have
delightful, God-honoring marriages. May God bless and guide your way.
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